Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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