Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
