non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
