took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
