is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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