WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
