he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
