He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
