Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
