I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
