Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
