o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
