Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
