So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
