I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
