I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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