awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
