And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
