So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
