Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
