dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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