no, he came in my armpit
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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