My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
