I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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