And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize