I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
