problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
