awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
