I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
