Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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