i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
