I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize