but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
