Don't make out with my wife yet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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