No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
