My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fuck appropriateness.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
