maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
