I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk is not a location!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
