then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
