My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
