keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
