Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
