Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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