His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
