he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
