All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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