i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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