Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
