she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
