so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
