You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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