Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
