This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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