we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
