At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
