i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
