The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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