So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
