I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
