In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
