Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
