i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
