I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
