Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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