I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
