I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
