I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
