Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
