As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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